Wednesday, July 22, 2015

This is My Body

My hair is short and going grey in places. Not in the "cool" way I would like, I want that dramatic pronounced silver streak, but whatever. I get the scattered thing.
My hairline is very slowly edging back, though the rest remains full with no signs of balding.
My forehead is gaining more lines, and I'm okay with that. I like them.
My eyes have become less bright over the years (I think) and my eyesight -while remaining at the same prescription since I was 20- has become worse at night.
There are what seem to be permanent darker circles around them.
There are definitely longer eyebrow hairs and crow's feet.
On my left cheekbone there is a small white patch of skin the size of a dime. I had it checked for skin cancer, but it was only where an ingrown hair had altered the pigmentation.
I finally can grow somewhat of a beard at the age of 43. I actually don't want a beard -I find them itchy- but am frequently too lazy to shave so I end up with one.
More lines appear around my mouth and neck.
I'm kind of okay with these. Sometimes less than others.
My skin in general seems looser, somehow.
My chest is as it has always been.
You can see my collar bones, and depending on how I move my ribs may appear.
I've been self-conscious about my ribs, how thin I appear.
I remain so.
My collar bones I like.
Inside my chest, my heart has begun to behave erratically. I can see and feel it pulsating at times in an odd manner. It feels... interesting, kind of pleasant, but it scares me. I go to the cardiologist in 4 days.
While hair finally grew on my face, it never did on my chest. A few stragglers here and there, circling my nipples, and that's about it.
There's one hair on my left bicep that always grows much longer than the rest.
I take a weird pleasure in plucking it out, even though I know it will regrow.
My stomach is no longer flat and six-packy the way it used to be.
The tattoo upon it has gone purple and ill-defined. Good thing it was abstract to begin with.
I love my hip bones, much like I do my collar bones. I like the way both look and feel. Almost alien. I think they're hot, not just on myself.
My belly button remains unchanged after all these years. Appropriate, I suppose.
There's the same thin, sparse line of hair that's always been there that traces down from my belly button to my crotch.
From here down I get hairy. It would seem my hair allotment was saved for the waist down.
My pubes are out of control. Baby got bush.
My penis hasn't changed a whole lot.  Do they?  Guess I'll find out. It still works, it still annoys me at times by working, but I still like it. Apparently, according to others, above average size or something. I dunno. It's just my penis. It has a small scar on the shaft that I don't know where it came from. Maybe it was almost always there?
My balls are slightly saggier, but they've always been hangers. Just a bit more nowadays.
I'm okay with that, except when it's hot or I sit on them.
My ass?
That's another story altogether. While I was never "gifted" in that area, what little I had has become even more flat. I try not to be sensitive about it, but compare myself to others regardless.
I want a hairy bubble butt. Always have.
But I'm stuck with this smooth white thing, lacking any hair.
My legs are thin and white and hairy. Sometimes I'm amazed at how long the hair on my legs gets. It seems abnormal. I wish my legs were thicker, but since they've been this way all my life it's unlikely they'll change.
I'm not going to a gym. I can run fast and bike and use them to lift heavy things, so they work for me. They're not weak. Much like my arms. (but we'll get to those in a bit)
My feet are becoming old people feet.
My toenails are *thick*. Like, maybe I have raptor DNA mixed in.
They're not pretty either... but I think feet in general are ugly weird things, so I'm biased.
Jumping back up the body.
My arms are also like my legs. Thin and pretty white. Much less hairy, though.
I have very prominent veins. People who draw blood always exclaim and go on about them.
Apparently it makes their job easier.
My musculature is such that I think I would be described as "ropey."
They have more strength than they appear to, though (again) I wish the strength they have was reflected externally.
Though (again) I'm not going to a gym.
Mostly, they look as they did 20 year ago.... until you get to my hands.
My hands definitely show my age. Or possibly my life.
They are more wrinkly than one would think for 43, more beaten and scarred.
On my right hand there are two brown spots right across from each other that make me want to draw a smiley face around them.
My fingers are not delicate.
My nails are not pretty, much like my toenails.
I bite them and pick at them all the time.
I can't help it, but again... not worried about it.
It brings me weird pleasure.
My underarms are only moderately hairy.
There's a skin tag on the right one that I always think is a tick. Even though it has been there for years.
I've been told that my body scent is present but not unpleasant.
I totally like my body scent. I can tell what's happening internally by it, actually.
What hormones are firing, what my balances are.
Sometimes it can change by the hour.
That's my body.
It's much like all the other bodies out there, but completely unique.
What's your body like?